Stuck in Limbo

Do you ever have one of those periods where you feel like you’re stuck in limbo? I’m talking about when you’ve done everything you possibly can to make sure your life is on the right track, and you still feel stuck?

I feel like that right now.

My last blog post was about A Day in the Life of a Work From Home Mom, and well, that’s no longer an issue. I got so fed up with my job within the short period I was working there that it caused a total emotional breakdown. I’m talking full-on snot sobs to my boss because of the immense pressure I felt. I had a panic attack due to the lies, manipulations, and general toxic nature of the workplace, and I couldn’t take it anymore. Call center jobs are just not for me. So, I spoke to Mr. H, and we decided together that life is too short to deal with that, and I quit. I’m still looking for a job that doesn’t make me want to tear my hair out, so if you know of a back-office admin position that’s available, let me know.

Now I’m at a crossroads in what I want to do with my life. I have big goals for the future – moving back to the US, opening up our design studio (Where we’ll be able to create anything under the sun you want), and become my own boss again. But, therein lies the problem. I have a list of steps needed to take (surprise, surprise, another spreadsheet), yet I can’t seem to force myself to start. The classes I need to take are as follows:

  • AAT Bookkeeping Levels 2 and 3
  • Business Management Levels 3, 5, and 7
  • Marketing – CIM Level 3, 4, and Digital Marketing
  • Health and Safety in the workplace
  • Human Resources CIPD levels 3, 5 and 7
  • Procurement and Supply

If I take these classes concurrently, it’ll take four years to finish. That’s the equivalent of a Bachelor’s degree without all of the unnecessary elective courses. I don’t know if it’s fear of failure or if I’m in an overwhelming anxious period that’s making every goal insurmountable. Maybe it’s having a plan and seeing how long everything will take to fall into place that’s overwhelming. I don’t know.

I’m an intelligent woman despite my lack of formal education. I may not seem like it, with the long rambling sentences I use and sometimes awkward grammar mistakes. But, I learn quickly on my own, and for anything that I’m not sure of, I take free online classes in my “spare time”. Even without having a job, I still don’t have spare time. How ridiculous is that?

The next step in my 900,000 point plan to open the studio is to start taking bookkeeping classes. The course I chose to start with is an AAT certified bookkeeping class. The course is eight months long and will significantly bump up my knowledge base and earnings potential. It’s also a necessary step to ensure that I’m keeping correct financial records for my business. Does anyone know anything about ICS Learn? Is the £1354 fee (including exams) worth it?

A phrase that commonly comes to me is “What if I fail? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?” by Erin Hanson. This quote has gotten me out of many such limbo periods in my life and forced me to take action. But, for some reason, this time, it’s not working.

Maybe it’s time to just leap ahead into the unknown and force myself out of limbo by any means necessary.