Let me start this post by saying that I don’t know how to come back from a break as I have before. 2020 has muddled my mind so horribly that even typing out a sentence like this is taxing on my brain. 2020 sucks. Please keep in mind that while writing this official “2020 sucks” post (as of November 27th at 1 am), I’m drinking wine.
What we’ve been up to
I’ve been dealing with a lot of things this year. My husband lost his job in March; we went into lockdown the same week. I tore the rotator cuff in my right shoulder while cleaning out our downstairs closet in early April. I’ve discovered that rage cleaning is never a good thing, especially when there’s a bag of textbooks involved and doctor’s offices aren’t seeing patients.
I started doing physical therapy exercises to repair the damage as instructed by the physiotherapist in a phone call appointment. They haven’t worked as hoped, so I’ve got a referral for an ultrasound on my shoulder, and then I’ll start cortisone injections. If those don’t work, then it’s surgery for me.
My mother in law is going through a severe illness, and we can’t be with her because of lockdown rules. They only live a 10-minute car ride away from us, but we talk on the phone almost every day.
We had a significant leak from our kitchen sink into our downstairs neighbor’s flat that cost us £700 to repair. Then, our tumble dryer broke, which cost us more to fix than the dryer is worth it. But we need it, and it was faster to have it repaired than to buy a new one.
Mental Health Issues
My 10-year-old son started developing severe clinical depression during the beginning of lockdown, which exacerbates everything. I was only able to get a therapy appointment referral for Punky in the middle of November. That’s a very, very long wait for a kid. The waitlist for children’s mental health services in Scotland is abysmally long if you can get a referral at all.
We did manage to get a referral after I spoke to another doctor in our practice (our regular GP takes a wait and see approach far too often for my liking); now we’re waiting for an appointment letter to come.
I should probably go back on my antidepressants. Dealing with depression as an adult is difficult, but dealing with it while you’re also helping your child deal with their own depression is overwhelming, to say the least.
It’s now the end of November. We celebrated Thanksgiving on Thursday, which went off as well as you’d imagine. My husband and I stuffed ourselves silly with the small feast that I prepared, while the child refused to eat a bite because “It’s weird.”
Friday, we decided to decorate our living room for Christmas. It’s the only room in the house that I do decorate. Honestly, it’s a lot of work, and our apartment is tiny. Our theme is “Christmas threw up in here, tacky beyond belief.” I tend to go more Farmhouse style in my decor choices. But, my son loves all the colors of the rainbow and needs a bit more cheer this year. As long as the kiddo is happy, mama is happy!
Christmas is my favorite holiday of the year. The twinkly lights, the continuous cheerful music, and the holiday’s general coziness make my heart feel warm and fuzzy. It’s something akin to how The Grinch feels when the Who’s in Whoville accept him. Although, if my heart grew three sizes in rapid succession, I’m sure my husband would be calling an ambulance to cart me off instead of celebrating Christmas with good tidings and cheer.
I’m currently unable to work in a normal job outside of our home unless I start my own brick-and-mortar store. My visa being in an expired passport, which means I cannot prove my right to work in the UK at any UK based firm. I am registered as a sole trader, though, so I’m able to trade online. I’m currently unable to afford my British Citizenship, which would solve about 25% of my problems. I’m hoping that the artwork I’ve been meticulously focusing on for the past few months will start taking off soon.
What I need from all of you is to visit my shop, and if you like my work, please make a purchase or share it with your friends. The more people who view my content, the better chances I’ll have that someone will buy something, which will go a long way to support my family.
While I’d love to monetize my blog, I don’t post frequently enough (or on a set schedule enough) to do so. I’d love to be able to buy a vinyl cutter and heat press to offer a range of adorable physical products, but finances are too tight at the moment. Maybe someday soon, if things calm down a bit!
The bold section indicates that I’m basically begging. I loathe putting myself out there like that, but this year sucks, and I need all the help I can get.
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Is 2021 going to be better?
As cynical as I am, I’m still hoping that 2021 sees everything go back to almost normal. Going shopping without masks, not washing my hands frequently until they crack and bleed currently sounds like a pipe dream. I’m happy enough to wear the mask and wash my hands. The best part about lockdown restrictions is staying as far away from people as possible. I’d honestly rather have a conversation with someone online than in person. Texting or typing gives me more time to think of responses that make sense than trying to stutter my way through a conversation with someone I don’t have regular interactions with.
I’m still hoping to move back to Michigan next summer. However, moving is looking unlikely as we’ve been living off our savings for the last nine months with no income replacing what we’ve spent just trying to survive.
I hope for all of you that your year hasn’t sucked as bad as ours has. My hope for you is that your only worry is that your pants fit more snugly than they did in January.
Thank you for hanging in there to the end of this post. I know it was a long-winded one. This is the beginning of hopefully the last of the breaks I’ve taken for quite a while. I sincerely hope that this is the end of the relentless shitstorm that is and was 2020. Wherever you are, I hope you’re having a wonderful day. Take care, and make good choices!